In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I am an Ellen Degeneres loyalist. Therefore, I didn't watch the Oprah Winfrey Show. However, this summer while Ellen was in reruns that I'd seen, I decided to watch reruns of the final season of Oprah. Two things happened: 1) I fell in love with Dr. Oz; 2) I finally clued into why Oprah isOPRAH. So now, I'm stuck juggling three daily shows - Ellen, Dr. Oz, and Oprah's Lifeclass on OWN. What really happens is that I select by topic and guest and allow stuff to play while I work, do laundry, exercise and clean house. (Still haven't made it through all of last week's episodes, though, let alone this week's.)
Anyway, I'm really loving Oprah's new show. She's reviewing the lessons she has learned in her life and bestowing them upon us like the goddess she is. Here is a "Cliff's Notes" version of the first week, as I heard it:
Lesson 1: Free yourself from the false power of ego. Oprah celebrated Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, in her book club some years ago. She continues to sing his praises and says that this first lesson is inspired by him. Her Oprahness asks us to look at ourselves and ask how do we identify ourselves? How do others identify us? Do the choices we make align with what we want from life? Are they genuine expressions of who we are?
I don't believe that I live a life based primarily on trying to be who others want me to be. I do struggle with this issue, though, in that my desire to make a difference in the world and help others is simultaneously a genuine expression of who I am and an expression of who I want others to think I am. So I guess I'm struggling with the distinction between ego and essence. More on that in a later post.
Lesson 2: Let go of anger. Staying in a space of anger, vengeance-seeking, and inability to forgive is like eating poison and expecting someone else to die. Why spend your time allowing someone else - who perhaps has already wronged you - to ruin your life now? Let it go. You help no one by staying angry and not forgiving. The bitterness takes up space where goodness and beauty could be. You get to choose how much power people in your past have over your present.
To those who believe forgiving means accepting that it was ok, Oprah says that:
"Forgiving means accepting that it HAS happened to you, not accepting that it was okay for it to happen. It is accepting that it HAS happened and now, what do I do about it? Forgiveness means giving up the hope that the past could be any different. Forgiving is giving up the hope that it could have been any other way than it actually was."
I love this concept and think I've done a pretty good job of embracing it. If anything, my inability to hold grudges opens me up to getting hurt again. But I'm much happier being vulnerable than being angry.
Lesson 3: You become what you believe. Oprah's mother was a maid, and what she hoped for Oprah was that when she became a maid, she would fine "good white folks" who would treat her well. But Oprah believed she'd be more than that - much more. We've all heard a thousand stories of poor people, disabled people, underdogs, and recovering addicts who have manifested a fantastic life for themselves, in spite of their obstacles. The key is to see the blessings and believe you can be what you want to be. Oprah calls it a "heart calling." Joseph Campbell referred to it as following your bliss: "When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.”
I had the great fortune of growing up with many opportunties - a good house, two loving parents, great schools, health, and natural abilities and talents. Still, I've faced my share of struggles with self-esteem, love addiction, codependency, and a few other issues. Though I've never believed there were a lot of things I couldn't do, I find it difficult to focus on any one thing that I believe I'm supposed to do - called to do. Yes, parenting for sure, but what else? More on this later as well.
Lesson 4: The truth will set you free. This lesson began by focusing on one of my favorite people. Hint: I started this post talking about her. I'll give you a second to scroll back and look if you forgot. Find it? Yes, that's right. Ellen! She showed clips from an Oprah episode Ellen was on just after she came out. Though she experienced so much pushback and abuse from people over doing so, Ellen felt so great about coming out because she was finally being true to herself. She didn't feel shame over being who she was and decided she needed to live in accordance with that.
I've been told many times that I'm very honest - "brutally honest" one person called me. But it's only in the past few years of doing real work on myself and my marriage that I've been honest about who I am and what my secrets are. I have a handful of people in my life who I trust who know everything about me, and I feel really liberated by that. And anyone reading this blog knows a lot about me that perhaps others might not choose to share. I feel liberated by that, too. If you know me at all, I want you to know the real me.
Lesson 5: Joy Rising. Oprah says she will dedicate Fridays to joy. First of all, that's a great idea: dedicate Fridays to joy! The first week, she talked about how gratifying it was to be able to do the great car giveaway. "You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! EVERY BODY GETS A CAR!" She also revisited a couple of other dreams she was able to make come true for people. Mostly this episode showed how nice it is to have tons of money to be able to give people cars and houses. But the lesson I came away from it with was what she said at the end: that every time she was able to do something like that, the joy came back to her 100 times over. This is what I referred to in my last post ("Pursuit of Happiness") about how the person performing the act of kindness accesses even more happiness from doing so than the receiver in many cases. Again the lesson is BE KIND.
So that's what I learned last week. I'm excited by this show because it combines two of my favorite things: self-improvement and watching TV. :-) Check it out. You might learn something!
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