Letter to 14-Year-Old Me . . . Written January 28, 2012

Dear 14-Year-Old Me,

I know you feel quite certain that life majorly sucks and will never get better and maybe you're better off dead and that would show THEM! I know boys haven't figured out that Latinas are sexy and exotic, and no one's figured out that curly hair rocks in its natural, untouched state. I know that your parents are horrible people, because they want to know at all times that you're safe, and they don't want you getting mixed up with the "wrong kind of people," and they think everything you do will affect your future in some way.  I know you don't know what you want to do NOW, let alone for the rest of your life. I know that having curvy thighs and being one of the 5 tallest girls you know make you some kind of freak and having a close female friend earns you gay slurs. I know that you don't want to be a nerd anymore, but you don't have the first clue how to be cool. I know you want attention, but the only way you know how to get it is to sulk and hope someone asks you, "What's wrong?"I know that all these things make you want to cry and wear black clothes and black shit on your eyes all the time. ("Hey, I like that black shit!" you and Ally Sheedy reply.) 

I know all these things. I understand that they are very real and very painful for you right now. But I have news for you. It gets better. It gets better next year, and even better the year after that. And in three years, it gets unbelievably, exponentially better! And in six years, as a reward for making it through this crappy-ass year and the years to come, you get to spend a semester in Paris, baby! And after that . . . Well, it kind of goes downhill a little bit. But it never gets like it is now again.

Not even at your worst moments will you ever feel like you do now. You may have some bad times . . . some really awful, bad times . . . but you'll know that you have the strength to get through them. You'll know you have support and love. You'll know you have resources and tools to overcome the tough times. You'll learn that making friends is actually really easy if you're pleasant to be around and don't sulk all the time. Boys, and later men, will realize that curly-haired, Latinas are hot! You'll see that some of the sexiest women of all time had curvy thighs, and that being tall is awesome! And even though you'll probably never figure out what you want to be when you grow up, you'll find a bunch of things you love to do and are pretty darn good at. Most importantly, though, you'll realize that none of it matters if you learn to love yourself. (Cue Whitney Houston.) 

What I'm trying to tell you, dearest 14-year-old me, is that you can and will survive this. And doing so will make you stronger and better. So don't even think about ending it all, because as Dad says, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Your sadness is real, but it's temporary and in large part hormonally induced. Just wait until you see all the wonderful things that are in store for you! 

Love,

40-Year-Old Me