Happiness is relatively easy to find when you feel healthy, your relationships are healthy, you have enough money, and things are going smoothly in your life. Even then, though, sometimes you get in a funk and start a pity party. "My job is boring." "My kids won't listen." "My house is too small." "My stomach is too big." "Exercise is challenging." "Housework is tedious." "Marriage (or dating or parenting) is hard." At those moments, we don't think, "I'm so grateful my life is so great." We spiral out of control.
Here's the funny thing about that. We get in this funk, and all of the sudden we get sick, our relationships fall apart, we get into financial trouble, and things start going wrong left and right. At that point, we have a few choices: crawl into bed and don't get out for a few months; medicate the bad feelings with food, alcohol, drugs, or our vice of choice; or start climbing back out of the hole we're in. However we got into the dark place, climbing out can be the hardest thing we ever do. Here are a few tips from someone who has gone to the dark place a few times and come out a little stronger on the other side:
Be present.
When your dark thoughts take over, they will often take you on a lovely nostalgic tour of all the awful events of your past. You replay heartbreaks, betrayals, tragedies, and humiliations over and over again in your mind as some kind of self-abuse. You regret your own actions, worry about the future, obsess about all the other awful things that could happen, feel sorry for yourself. That thought pattern keeps you in the dark place. Come to this moment and engage all your senses in improving this moment. Meditate (i.e., just breathe and focus on your breath) or take a silent walk in nature and clear your head. The results are immediate and certain. Observe the moment you are in fully and completely and make it count.
Focus on you.
In my experience, people often don't like to take responsibility for their own unhappiness. They prefer to blame extenuating circumstances and other people. They think maybe revenge will make them feel better. Or they believe if they can somehow control others' behavior, they will be happy. (I'm especially guilty of that magical thinking!) I saw a wonderful quote on this subject recently:
"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
Instead, work on making yourself healthier. Explore the patterns that lead to your unhappiness. Take care of yourself - mind, body and soul. In my house, the saying is true: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Be kind.
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world; everyone you meet is your mirror." - Ken Keyes, Jr.
Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt worse just from the energy in the room? You see the scowls of the people and hear the angry words between them, and it's like dark clouds fill the space. Conversely, have you ever walked into a room full of people laughing and smiling and instantly felt happier, like someone flipped on a lightswitch? You can be that light switch for yourself and those around you. In his book, The Power of Intention
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." - Dalai Lama
Connect. Connect with your Higher Power through prayer. Connect with other human beings. Call them, get out of the house and see them, maybe even read some Facebook posts. Call friends, attend groups, take classes. If nothing else, the distraction will help. For me, hugging my kids helps tremendously. And talking with my spouse or my friends helps me to think through problems or issues, and often they offer me a perspective I hadn't thought of.
Read. Read self improvement books or books that make you smile. Read books that teach you a new skill. Read daily meditations and inspirations. This is a neat calendar with things to read every day that will help you to feel happier:
Also, check out Positively Positive on Facebook for a daily jolt of inspiration.
And finally . . .
Act happy. Choose it. Choose to smile and laugh and act as if you're happy. Do something fun and exciting - preferably something active like dancing or sports. Take a class you've always wanted to take. You can change the physiology of your brain with your behaviors. You just need to decide that you want to be happy . . . that you *can* be happy. The power is yours.
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